Ganked from bugland and subliculous

"If I were" meme

If I were a month, I'd be: December
If I were a day of the week I'd be: Sunday evening
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 1am
If I were a planet, I'd be: Pluto
If I were a animal, I'd be: a sloth
If I were a direction, I'd be: east
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: a roll-top desk
If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Sylvia Plath
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Coca Cola
If I were a tree, I'd be: Dutch Elm
If I were a bird, I'd be: a raven
If I were a tool, I'd be: an electric sander
If I were a flower/plant: saguaro
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: a thunderstorm
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: Loki
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: a cello
If I were a color, I'd be: dark grey
If I were an emotion, I'd be: sorrow
If I were a vegetable, I'd be: brussels sprouts
If I were an element, I'd be: argon
If I were a car, I'd be: a rusty old Suburban
If I were a song, I'd be: "Downtown Train" sung by Tom Waits
If I were a movie, I'd be: Clerks
If I were a place, I'd be: northern Norway
If I were a material, I'd be: felt
If I were a taste, I'd be: pumpkin
If I were a scent, I'd be: molasses
If I were a word, I'd be: hyperbole
If I were an object, I'd be: a tea candle
If I were a body part, I'd be: middle finger
If I were a subject in school, I'd be: creative writing
If I were a shape, I'd be: a squiggle
If I were a number, I'd be: 7
If I were an article of clothing, I'd be: dungarees

I have some questions and I'm very curious to know what others in the fandom think, but I'm probably going to go on a bit trying to explain where the questions come from before I get around to asking them.

I'm just undertaking what will undoubtedly be a long story, and I was debating posting it as a WIP. I really enjoy a good serial story, for all the same reasons people enjoy television shows, so long as I know that the updates will be fairly regular...it forces you to draw out your pleasure and it gives you something to anticipate.

But I've noticed that when you take something that was written as a WIP and you read it all in one sitting, there are often pacing problems. With some stories, I have read each chapter as it was published, over a period of months, and never noticed any problem with the pacing. But then, once the story is complete, I may sit down and reread it, beginning to end, only to find that it feels rushed. Not in the hands of every author, of course, but often enough to make me wonder if pacing problems might be inherent to the category of works-in-progress.

I can think of two reasons why this may be. First, a wait between chapters might insert psychological space into a story. That is to say, both author and reader may not notice that a series of dramatic events happens so quickly as to feel forced or rushed within a story's timeframe because, in reality's timeframe, days or weeks have passed in between the writing or reading of those events. We need downtime to process what has just occurred in whatever we are reading. With works, like novels, that are published in their completed state, the author can't count on the reader to take breaks at appropriate times, so they must use their writing to create the necessary downtime. A climactic scene will be followed by a more sedate scene, allowing the reader time to assimilate what they have just read. If we read something that is too rapidfire, it becomes confusing and we become less invested in it, because we don't have time to process what we have read. With a work-in-progress, you have the illusion of downtime, because your audience is forced to take breaks. But it's only an illusion, because the downtime doesn't exist within your story.

Secondly, I think I would be tempted, if I were to publish a WIP, to rush the story to avoid boring my readers. I can see that there might be a certain pressure there to make each chapter suitably "exciting", because readers have waited for it. An author might worry that people will become bored if they have to wait for a chapter that doesn't contain anyting climactic.

So, what I want to know is twofold.

As readers, have you ever noticed this pacing problem in WIP's, or is it only me? Do you ever notice it as a WIP is being published serially, or do you notice it when reading a completed WIP in one sitting? Do you mind waiting for a chapter that may not be thrillingly dramatic?

As writers, do you have any tips for avoiding this problem? How do you work with the pacing of your stories, whether WIP or not?

Why can't someone make some porn that's just like The L Word, only X-rated?

We rented the first disc of the first season of The L Word (along with some horrible all-girl porn movie) last night. I was surprised at how much I liked the first 3 episodes of the show...I'm not much of a tv watcher. There's that scene, in the first episode, where Jenny is watching through the fence while Shane fucks some girl in the swimming pool, and it was ten times hotter than the entire X-rated movie.

Of course, Shane is really hot. There's just something sexy about really confident butch girls...

...although one criticism I have of the show is that the butch girls are pretty femmed up. It's that rule that our society has, that lesbians are acceptable (nonthreatening and "sexy") as long as they don't look like lesbians. I'd like to watch the next season of The L Word and see some new character who wears flannel and cargo pants, who has a mullet, having really hot, passionate affairs. Her name would be something gender neutral, like "Sam" or "Chris". She wouldn't shave her armpits, or wear makeup, but she'd be strong and sexy.

It's never gonna happen. I suppose, like almost every other tv show, we just have to accept that we're being force-fed some "Hollywood" version of our lives.

My partner just almost burned our house down. She went to start her dinner, only she turned on the wrong burner (who hasn't done that?). Only there was an empty CoolWhip container on the burner that she accidentally turned on. So we were sitting on the couch when she says "What's that funny smell?" Then we hear this loud sort of FWOOMP noise, and I look up and see orange light dancing on the kitchen door. It was quite a blaze.

Luckily (especially since we rent) there was no damage to the ceiling or walls. I might have thought that our pets would nobly alert us the fire and try to save our lives, like the pets you used to see on Rescue 911. Instead, when the crisis had passed and we went looking for them, we found both the cat and the dog hiding in the bathtub. In what was possibly the first act of cooperation between them since we got the dog four years ago, he pushed open the bathroom door, she pushed the shower curtain out of the way, and they both jumped in.

Now the house smells funny :o(

So a few months ago I somehow came across a link to this lj entry that made me split a gut laughing, but I can't remember who wrote it or where I found it.

Basically, it was someone in the hp fandom who had been in the Hercules fandom. She confessed to all the faux pas she made when she first discovered fandom, like using her dad's email address with his full name, and offering to pay fanfic authors to continue their stories. It was all naive and innocent, and very, very funny.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about, or who wrote it?

First fandom, then RL.

Unforgivable Promises by Aethen has just been updated. I've gushed about this fic before, here and here, but I'll say it one more time. It's very good. Not perfect, but the author has taken great care with the build-up of Harry's and Snape's relationship, and it has a few killer moments...subtle and underplayed but packing a punch because they feel so right.

Now she's introducing some interesting magical theory to the story, as well, beyond what JKR has given us, and I'm curious to see how it will develop as the story continues. In conclusion, I love this story.

Now on to real life. Had to go to the bureau of motor vehicles today. Have to go back tomorrow. I always try to wait to do my business there until the few days before Christmas, because they are dead. In every state I've ever lived in, it's the best time to go. No lines. No waiting.

We leave on Christmas eve...I'm very excited, but our petsitter has backed out at the last moment, so we're scrambling to find someone to watch the cat and rats. I've been trying to make gifts for my family, because I'm so broke. Made my youngest sister a purse with appliqued strawberries on it, and the middle sister a hemp necklace and a scarf. I'm having problems with the damn scarf, and I have to finish it tomorrow, as well as go to the BMV, do laundry, pack, and find a new petsitter.

I just keep repeating to myself "It's the most wonderful time of the year. It's the most wonderful time of the year." A deluded little mantra.

Am finally done with the job from hell. Yay!! Now I just need to know when to expect my last paycheck.

Also, going home the Great Lakes state at the end of the week. I'm so excited!

It's funny, when we first moved here, I really liked it. The longer we live here, the less I like it. Now I'm at the point where everyday I wake up and think "I want to go home".

Can't wait to see my family, although I'm sure they'll drive me crazy. Maybe the harsh Michigan weather will make me appreciate Arizona all the more when I get back?

1. Attention pinch-faced old ladies: do not yell at me in the grocery store because the milk you bought yesterday is sour. Do I look like a freakin' dairy farmer to you? Am I wearing overalls, leading around a cow on a rope? No. I don't even work at Albertsons! I'm just trying to buy my margarine in peace. And it probably curdled at your touch, you sour old biddy.

2. No, dad, I do not know why the window on my car will not roll back up. Further more, does it really matter why I rolled it down? No, it does not. Do not ask me in a displeased voice "Well, why were your windows down in the first place?" Car windows are not for emergency use only. You are supposed to be able to roll them down on a whim. That is the point of them. And then they are supposed to go back up. Remember when you tried to tell me that I caused your shower to leak because I bathed wrong? Yeah. This is the same brand of bullshit.

3. Two weeks notice is still the standard, correct? So why is my boss acting like I'm committing some horrible breach of etiquette by quitting after Friday? I told her two weeks ago. She keeps calling and asking what's so important in my life that I can't just work one more week. Frankly, I just don't want to. Which is my prerogative, and none of her damn business.

Whew! I needed to get that off my chest.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Which was most of them :o(

1. "Playing with prodigal sons / Take a lot of sentimental valiums / Can’t expect the world to be your raggedy andy / While running on empty you little old doll with a frown"
Rufus Wainwright - "Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk"

2. "The day they knocked down the pally / My sister stood and cried / The day they knocked down the pally / Part of my childhood died, just died"
The Kinks - "Come Dancing"

4. "Oh ! Would you like to marry me? / And if you like you can buy the ring / She doesn't care about anything"
The Smiths - "William It Was Really Nothing"

5. "My focus now is on the small things / Since my glasses broke / Someone else should drive / Or I might not leave at all"
Decibully - "Tables Turn"

6. "I asked the doctor to take your picture / So I can look at you from inside as well / You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round "
The Vapors - "Turning Japanese" (I can't believe no one knows this song)

8. "Get up and clean your teeth and have a shave / It's 1 a. m. let's go out to a rave / One more and before we hit that grave"
Big Audio Dynamite - "The Globe"

9. "regretfully / i guess i've only got three / simple things to say: / why me? / why this now? / why this way?"
ani difranco - "grey"

10. "I went down to the Chelsea drugstore / To get your prescription filled / I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy / And man, did he look pretty ill"
The Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

11. "Oh it's been getting so hard / Livin' with the things you do to me, aha / Oh my dreams are getting so strange / I'd like to tell you everything I see"
Sweet - "Ballroom Blitz"

13. "Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed / And I wanna crawl in with you / But I cry instead / I want your warm, but it will only make / Me colder when it's over / So I can’t tonight, baby"
Fiona Apple - "Love Ridden"

14. "Sitting in the Apple sessions / Giving John her music lessons / Challenging the warring nations / With her paper installations"
Dar Williams - "You Can't Be My Yoko Ono"

15. "Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices? / I've heard them calling my name. / Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors? / The voice might be one and the same."
Kermit the Frog - "The Rainbow Connection"

Everyone's been doing this, most recently everythingisaid, so....what the heck!

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play!
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from!
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly! P.S: no cheating and pasting the lyrics into a search engine.

Some of these are probably super-obvious, and some are fairly obscure.
( Read more... )

I seem to have caught the flu...or something equally nasty. My head aches, my bones hurt, and I've got a fever of 102. It's always hard to distinguish between any caught illness and my CFS, but the fever is usually a good indicator.

I think that the shitty job has been too much for me physically...actually I know it has. So I shouldn't be surprised that my immune system is weak. Only one more week before I'm done. Thank god.

Made two christmas icons today...help yourself if you like them (as usual, I'd appreciate credit, but it's not necessary).

Because I am immensely dense, I've been looking at this little...trend popping up on my flist of ending sentences with "XD" and thinking "ex-dividend". A security which no longer carries the right to the most recently declared dividend.

Wow, I thought. My flist is really heavily into finance and investment.

::headdesk::

Follow this link to compose your own religious text. By using the form provided, here's what I came up with:

"Then God said let there be git and there was git. And God saw the git, that it was snarky. On the 6th day God created the first man, Harry. And God saw Harry, that he was innocent. God then took one of Harry's toes and made the first woman, Snape. And God said you shall not eat of the mandrake of castle for if you do you shall surely be cast out."

I needed a Miss Lemon icon.

Dude, there totally needs to be some Miss Lemon fanfic detailing her lesbian exploits.

Yeah, can you tell I'm bored and wired?

severus snape is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

I have no idea how I got this result, but I loves it all the same.

I'll start by saying that I'm not someone who's ever been especially...enthralled...by Daniel Radcliffe. I think that he's a good Harry Potter, and a cute enough kid, but that's all.

However, I just watched the special features on the PoA DVD, and man, is he charming in that interview. In fact, Daniel, Emma, and Rupert are all very likable in that interview.

It's always disillusioning when you really like a character, only to find out that the actor is unlikable in interviews. Which got me to thinking.

What actors or actresses disappointed you when you first saw them "as themselves", rather than in character? My top two are Gillian Anderson and Sean Connery. I loved the character of Dana Scully on XF, and I was crushed when I saw her doing an interview, because she's such a twit. And Sean Connery, well...he's sexy, but what an asshole!

So how about it?

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it!

I've had a very nice day, just me and D., eating and watching the A&E Poirot movies. How does David Suchet make Poirot sexy? It's slightly disturbing, really. And Pauline Moran as Miss Lemon... yowza!

Anyway, it was a nice day, although I do miss my family. I'm so glad we've finally booked the tickets to fly home to Detroit for Christmas! I can't wait to see my sisters.

The job is turning out to be a nightmare, and I keep waffling about whether or not I should just quit. Partly it's my health... the job is more physical than I thought it would be (in fact, I can't help but feel that it was misrepresented to me on many counts) and I'm not really up to it. On the other hand, we need the money.

Did find room in the budget to buy PoA, though :o)

Our rat has a brain tumor. He doesn't seem to be in pain or anything, but he's walking funny and his balance is obviously off. The vet had us do a course of antibiotics in case it was just an infection, but they had no effect. Which means tumor. He's just the sweetest little thing ever, and even though I'll miss him, I mostly don't want him to suffer. So at the first sign that he's in pain, or not eating or drinking, we'll have to put him down.

Can one have a rat put down? I'd assume so, but I've never had to do it before.

In other news, I start the new job tomorrow, and I have mixed feelings about it. The money will be nice, and it's a no pressure job. I don't even have to worry about meeting new coworkers (which is always hellish for me, as I'm such an introvert). But it's been nice not working, and I'll miss the free time.

Also, I'm somewhat worried about my health in regards to the work. Since I have no coworkers, if I don't make it in, or have to leave early for health reasons, the work just won't get done. That could cause a problem.

Oh, well. There's no point in counting my bridges before they've hatched. I mean, why borrow chickens? Or however that dumb platitude goes.

Look at my new icon! I love this picture... he looks so tragic. Although actually, of course, he's thinking "Hell, my robe is on fire!"

Gacked from leianora.

List five HP fandom things that you've never done and put it in the "Never have I ever" format.

( never have I ever... )